Frostbiting Is Not For Me

Published on January 14th, 2016

An open letter to my friend who keeps asking me to go frostbiting …

Dear Friend,
Thank you so much for inviting me to go sailing this weekend. The weather forecast calls for highs in the low 30s, with a chance of freezing rain. I’m not sure what level of sadistic pleasure you’re getting out of this, but again, I’m busy. I’m always going to be really busy.

It’s not that I don’t love sailing, but I need you to understand that I am no less of a sailor if I only choose to go sailing when the weather is 50 degrees or higher. I’m not a “phony,” as you so eloquently posted on social media, if I take the winter season off to enjoy other hobbies. I’m not a “poser” if I prefer sailing in shorts and a T-shirt to sailing in four layers of repurposed ski gear. I’m not an “annoying sissy wimpy pants” if I feel like watching the football game while you freeze your tail off racing non-spin with a bunch of dudes who are, admittedly, “in it for the chili.” Everyone needs to take a break at some point. I take my break when I can see my breath in the air. You take your break when a judge orders you to do so. It’s kind of the same thing.

Now, don’t get me wrong. You’re definitely using your off season to become a better driver, a better trimmer, and a little more acquainted with your boat. But you look like a total nutcase out there, acting like a fool when it’s 20 degrees out, hooting and hollering like it’s the best day of your life. It’s not the best day of anyone’s life because it’s freaking cold out. Even my dog didn’t want to go outside this morning. My dog has more sense than you do, and his favorite pastime is licking his butt.

In conclusion, I want you to know that I like you as a friend, and I enjoy sailing with you. But for right now, we’re on a break. If you want to try going sledding together, or skiing, I’m happy to discuss this. But for right now, I just need some space. I’ll need space until May. And then, it’s on.

Your Fair Weather Sailing Friend

Editor’s note: Thanks to our friends at SpinSheet magazine for this ‘letter’ from their January 2016 issue.

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