A Sailor Walks into a Bar…

Yachting & Boating World provide a compilation of nautical jokes. Here’s a sample…

Driving me nuts!
An ‘ol salt swaggers into a bar.
He has a ship’s wheel stuffed into the front of his trousers.
The bartender says, “Hey, you’ve got a ship’s wheel in your trousers!”
The ‘ol salt says, “Aye mate and it’s driving me nuts!”

Small change
A thirsty sailor runs from his boat to the nearest bar and shouts to the bartender, “Give me twenty shots of your best scotch, quick!”
The bartender pours out the shots, and the sailor drinks them as fast as he can.
The bartender is very impressed and exclaims, “Wow. I never saw anybody drink that fast.”
The sailor replies, “Well, you’d drink that fast too, if you had what I have.”
The bartender says, “Oh my God! What is it? What do you have?”
“Fifty cents!” replied the sailor.

The sea captain and the punk rocker
An old sea captain was sitting on a bench near the wharf when a young man walked up and sat down. The young man had spiked hair and each spike was a different colour … green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.
After a while the young man noticed that the captain was staring at him.
“What’s the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?”
The old captain replied, “Got drunk once and married a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son!”

No … you change your course!
Dead ahead, through the pitch-black night, a captain sees a light on a collision course with his ship.
Reaching for the radio, he says: “Change your course ten degrees east.”
“Change yours ten degrees west,” comes the reply.
The captain responds, “I’m a navy captain! Change your course, sir!”
“I’m a seaman second class,” the next reply comes back. “Change your course, sir.”
The captain is furious. “I’m a battleship! I’m not changing course!”
The man replies, “I’m in a lighthouse. Your call.”

Complete list… click here.