Honestly, I’m not sure what to do?

Highlighting how Scuttlebutt staff gets derailed during work hours, this Reddit post seeks our relationship advice:

My boyfriend (41M) has an expensive hobby so we have to live very frugally and it’s starting to bother me (39F), I’m not sure what to do.

My boyfriend (41M) and I (39F) have been together for about a year. He’s a caring and considerate partner. However, he lives very frugally to be able to afford his expensive hobby.

He loves to sail and between the costs of financing his boat (which he purchased before we met), fuel costs, insurance, marina fees, maintenance, etc. — I would estimate that it creates around 3K+ each month in expenses.

This comes out of his disposable income so he’s not asking me to pay for any of it but it’s not a interest I share (I don’t particularly like being on boats). I think sailing really gives him a lot of peace and a sense of pride.

We mostly split expenses, and I don’t live a particularly expensive lifestyle — I don’t have a huge desire to visit fancy restaurants and am happy taking a weekend road trip instead of some big international trip, and so for a while it didn’t bother me that he spends so much on his hobby. He also is very conscientious about saving so he saves a large portion of his income as well, and I support him wanting to build his savings.

However, we don’t currently live together, partially because of how frugally he chooses to live in order to be able to afford this hobby. He has a tiny condo and no car, though I have a car. He eats very simply. If we were to move in together, we’d need to move into a smaller apartment than I’d prefer (we live in an expensive city) or move somewhere else or he’d need to save less.

If it were up to me, we’d spend more on activities, splurge from time to time, and get a decent-sized apartment, etc. However, he’s not really on board with those expenses, except on a holidays (like a birthday, etc.).

We still go out to do stuff, but obviously he prefers inexpensive/free local events, which I also enjoy but it would be nice to do other stuff too. If I want to go to a pricey concert or to the theater or do a spa day or whatever, I’ll generally end up doing that stuff with friends.

He’s someone who is willing to compromise on things, but I don’t even know what to ask him for? Sell his boat? He had it before we met. Stop saving? That sounds like I’m asking him to be irresponsible. I could offer to pay for more stuff, but I think that would create a very bad relationship imbalance, especially when he makes more than I do.

Honestly, I’m not sure what to do? I feel like a jerk asking him to give up his hobby or like I was being immature, telling him not to worry so much about saving money. Dump him? He’s honestly a great guy. At the same time, it seems silly that our lives are so limited when both of us have okay income. I’m not sure what to do here. Or maybe I should just be happy he’s a good guy.