World Sailing Speed Record Shattered

(April 1, 2014) – Bull Goose Looney, a highly disposable Optimist dinghy, recently took down Vestas Sailrocket’s 65.45 knot 500 meter World Speed Record by launching from the top of 739 meter Yosemite Falls in Yosemite Valley, California. The project, allegedly led by an anonymous lady BASE jumper from Santa Cruz, has been kept secret due to BASE jumping being illegal in Yosemite.

Packed discretely at night in parts up the two mile Falls Trail by an enthusiastic support crew wearing red “Downward Bound” T-shirts, Bull Goose Looney and skipper were launched shortly after sunrise, 50 meters upstream from the brink. By the time Looney went over the edge, she was already at 15 knots. (Current is disregarded in official Speed Record attempts, making this improbable venture possible for the free thinking team from Santa Cruz.)

At approximately 420 meters, Bull Goose Looney reached terminal velocity of 104 knots. The GPS attached to the skipper’s harness showed an average speed of 78.72 knots over 500 meters before the skipper bailed out with her Apex FLik parachute 100 meters above Yosemite Falls base, landing in front of a surprised, but appreciative throng of Japanese tourists.

The only part of Bull Goose Looney to survive the record attempt’s vertical ride was the rudder, recovered a few hours later near Cathedral Beach, on the Merced River. This piece of sailing memorabilia is now proudly hanging at the Harbor Cafe in Santa Cruz.

Ratification by World Sailing Speed Record Council is expected momentarily pending GPS certification. Paul Larsen, of Sailrocket fame, was unavailable for comment as he is currently on expedition, attempting Mt. Everest using period gear and clothing from Mallory’s 1924 historic climb.