New material for next generation sails

(April 1, 2019) – The Advanced Precision Related Instruments and Laser Company announced today the development of a brand-new two-nanometer thick material intended for use in sails.

“For today’s taller rigs, we can now provide an incredibly lightweight thin film that enables yachts and high-performance sailing craft to harness the wind’s power,” notes company president Stanley Hardy. “It is so thin that it is almost impossible for the naked eye to see. While this poses certain difficulties, we are confident that we can eventually make it visible to the naked eye.”

Dr. Stan Laurel, the company’s chief scientist, explains how the the material is made from nanoparticles contained in the skin of prunes and beans. “We rework them at the molecular level to obtain the strongest material ever made. It is so strong that you could build a bridge of two sheets of it and you would be able to drive a tank across it if you could see it.”

The product is a reaction to how canting keels have allowed for more sail area to be carried. “We have seen sailing yacht rigs grow taller and taller,” notes Hardy. “With our new material, there is no longer a trade-off with material weight and drag.”

While the cost of the material is excessive, Laurel considers it a necessary investment toward performance. “This will make boats go faster, and what’s great about the sport is the lack of restriction on this kind of development. World Sailing let’s people do what they want, and if there are sailing enthusiasts that don’t want to pay more money to go fast, there are other sports they can move to.”

Company spokesperson Rob N. Williams told reporters at the press conference that the material is to be known by its acronym, Advanced Precision Related Instruments and Laser Foil Over Orthodox Lamination (APRILFOOL).